I Believe

Do you take risks? I do. I take risks everyday by just making decisions. I shape my life with every choice and every path I walk down.

I’m in the prime of my life, just starting high school. Possibilities line up before me. Pressure beats down upon me like the sun in July. Excitement is tangible where ever I walk. Stress buzzes in my ear constantly. My life stretches out before me seeming like an endless road. What would I be without these posts that hold up my world? Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to let go and not take the everyday risks. Will it be smooth and clear like when I learned to not hesitate when pulling out into oncoming traffic? Or rocky, like when I stand up to my mother in an argument and am waiting for the final blow of punishment? Would it just be life in a very messed up way?

My answers cause questions, my questions cause risks. My words cause actions, my actions cause uprise, either for the better or for the worse. I can lead a group of people to victory but that’s the risk, right? What if the loser comes for me because I was a catalyst for achievement? Did I make the right decision causing joy to those that cause hate for others? Will I ever know?

My most powerful risk I have made is the one where I decided I wanted to take risks. I want the experience and adrenaline rush of doing something crazy, stupid, or both.

I remember the fist time I jumped off a waterfall. It wasn’t tall, or out of the ordinary, but it made my stomach drop and I don’t have a fear of heights. The thing is, the words running through my head weren’t “there could be rocks down there that could cause me serious pain”. No, the words running through my young mind were, “my mom is going to kill me if this doesn’t” and then I jumped. I later received a lecture from my mother. Not about the fact that I had jumped off the waterfall, but that I was putting myself in danger and taking the chance of stepping over my mothers safety boundaries. But I had taken a risk!

Some might ask what the point is of having the ever constant possibility of pain. The pain can be physical or mental. I thrive on these pains because they make me stronger, smarter, and wiser. These pains let me learn. I don't not have life if I do not have pain I’ve come to realize. How would I know if I was feeling anything? Love isn’t always free or at hand. I ask, what is the point of never knowing?   

I am my life. I am the painter and the painting. I am the singer and the microphone. I am the cause and effect. I am my own worst risk.