To Hold or Not to Hold?

“What will I gain by holding a grudge?” I asked myself this question after getting my one and only referral. Sixth grade was almost over, and we were all tired of one standardized test after another. All of “the guys” were playing football before lunch, not a real game, just throwing around. We were playing around, and I caught the ball. Another boy tried to take it from me, but as I regained control, he grabbed my arm and bit my wrist. As I started bleeding, I stepped away and went inside to the nurse. After I had been bandaged up, I was called to the principal’s office. To my astonishment, we both received referrals and I was suspended for longer than he was.

Sitting in my room the next day, I asked myself that question. I decided that rather than gain anything, I would loose a friend, the respect of others, and possibly my health.

Stressed caused by anger, found a recent study by Duke, accounted for 75% to 90% of doctor visits in the U.S. In 2006, the American Association for the Study of Stress found that over 16 million adults in the U.S. are afflicted with IED, or Intermittent Explosive Disorder. This is brought on by the storing and bottling up of anger, they found, and can lead to many unfortunate ends, such as verbal, spousal, and co-worker abuse, as well as such unfortunate events as the Columbine high and Virginia Tech school shootings.

The further effects of grudges and anger are many. The AARS recently posted a finding explaining some of the effects. When people conceal anger, they are more apt to lose their temper in the workplace, most often when dealing with computers. A survey revealed that 50% of those surveyed in the U.K. had hit their computer hard enough to bruise their hands. When someone has an outburst like that, you know something is wrong.

When I hold a grudge, I tend to become less focused, caring, and happy. People do not enjoy being with me as much, as grudges cause me to brood all of the time. Furthermore, grudges wear me down, especially if I see the person often. Grudges cause me to be more irritable, and the more irritable I am, the more things I begrudge. This causes the cycle to be repeated and, at this point, I have hit a downward spiral.

I spent all day thinking about this, and the only good option I found was to hold no grudge. This choice turned out well, and when I went back to school, we both acted as if nothing had happened. He never offered an explanation, and I never asked for one. He left the school after that year; I think no one stayed in contact with him but me. We are still good friends, and see each other occasionally. If I had held that grudge, I would have lost a good friend, and possibly so much more.